eatsfish | ☂

I cannot for the life of me figure out why you felt compelled to tell me any of this.

How did someone else get into your igloo?

because you said you liked penguins
this was an entire game focused on being a penguin
you gotta get down at club penguin bro
i was thinking about how good youd be at this fucking game
you could have ran against mayor penguin and become mayor penguin yourself
the guy in charge was a baffoon who kept taxing the jellybeans
the jellybeans
the audacity
can you believe it???
anyway
you can p much go in anyones igloo if you know where it is
sup man

Penguins do exactly none of the things you described. Nothing in that concept makes sense. You can tax candy but not install locks? Never mind. I don't know why I'm asking.

Plenty of things, but now I'm just wondering what you wanted.

youre asking because this game was fucking fun man
you wanna play it
you wanna go to club penguin and party
what a guy cant text the mayor of a town and see whats up

I get my fair share of strange games on a regular enough basis, but thank you.

I suppose, though I'd rather you be texting me as a friend instead of an authoritative figure.

you do??
wait how come you never said nothing about this
what kind of games are you playing
do they involve your favorite animals bc my game is probably superior
this was a friendship text
youre not an authority figure over me
i dont even live in the place you lord over with a firm democratic arm

Because I'm rarely the one playing them unless coerced. Watching would be the more accurate term. I believe the strangest in concept was the one about a son trying to impress his father by rolling objects and living creatures into perfect spheres so that they could make stars out of them.

You're the one that brings up my status as mayor during every conversation we have, not me.

dude
are you
talking about katamari
are you really telling me youve sat down in front of katamari
holy shit

i have a thing for mayors

I'm going to assume that's the title if you thought of it immediately. I didn't think I'd need to remember it.

Evidently. How about you tell me what you've been up to instead? I have nothing but the usual bore of politics to talk about.

his cousin makes a good boyfriend
its a good game as far as i know
i never played it but dang if i dont know all about rolling things up via osmosis of everyone else playing the fuck out of it and it becoming a huge meme

post production
editing is time consuming
i got a little bored with it and i think ill just put it out as is tbh
a half baked movie is about right for this series
i also now have like twelve crows
the cat is still small
i died
have you ever had buttered apples because i did and it was heaven
nobody i know is here still
im pretty sure jeff and me will never need an extra room unless its for money and the chicks
uhhhh
what else
i guess thats it
i still have a bunch of explosives that im not sure what to do with
and like 80 fireworks

I'm sorry, what? You died?

not me me
the other me
you know
he wasnt supposed to be here
nbd

The other you as in... future you?

[ Why did he suddenly feel so... so...? What did he feel? ]

You can't be handling that well. I feel like I should do something. Can I? Anything?

[ A brief delay. ]

I should have said thank you.

thats the guy
im handling it fine
does it seem like im not handling it
im fucking handled over here
im handled more than a newborn baby at a giant family reunion
pass me around assholes
ive been in the situation loads of times
its just this thing
that blows harder than a whore in desperate need of a quick buck but it happens
because someone had to go and fuck up bad enough to need it to happen
so ya know
whatever
theres not much to do about it
i took care of it
looted my own corpse
got rid of the evidence
took a nap
remembered shit i aint ever did
youre welcome

[ He was positive he was going to be sick. ]

Don't lie. That isn't how you speak when you're handling it fine. I've known you long enough now to be aware of when you're trying to say something without actually sa

You... remember?

[ Now he knew what he felt. Guilt. ]

i always speak like ive got a box of metaphors i gotta try out
idk what the hell youre fucking talking about
this is typical dave speak
and sorta
it doesnt really work
like i didnt download a brain
you dont just absorb the whole thing
its just kind of
snippets
like you get handed like a comicbook thats in the middle of a large event storyline and youre like well how the hell did this caped asshole end up on an island of super babes
like a montage of major events
the cliffnotes version of an alternate timeline thats not actually a good enough cliffnotes to pull off a fake report
like when you absorb enough knowledge of a show that you feel like you probably dont have to watch it but you really should because you dont even know who the hell the main character was you just know the darkhorse fave every fanfic writer is fantastizing about despite only being in like two episodes
like how you only know about katamari because you sat there and watched someone else play it

It's completely different and you're only proving my point. How are you supposed to deal with it if you won't even admit you're upset about it? For god's sake, Dave, I realize I'm not the ideal person to seek comfort from but you have got to have someone. You have a family here, don't you? Quit acting like you have to do everything yourself. Do you want to be alone? I'm going to take a very shallow leap and guess the answer is no, because if it was anything else you wouldn't have decided to talk to me about penguin clubs to distract yourself from the actual issue.

what the fuck oz
chill out
you want me to just ask people to help me dispose of a corpse
thats fucked in all kinds of ways
i dont got people for that
its handled
i wasnt gonna even talk about this
stop freaking out at me
im just trying to have a nice talk about penguins

Oh, so I'm just supposed to take the news that someone I cared about is dead while another version of that person is suffering the consequences because of actions I supposedly took in a completely calm manner? I'm talking about the body, Dave! I'm talking about you!

Damn it. Damn it.

Do you not remember how much of this is my fault? Do you not know how much I owe you? Let me do right by you for just once and let me be a proper friend. Let me repay you. Please.

hey
you didnt kill me
its going to be okay
that was kinda the point
so it would be okay
dude dont go trying to repay me on your birthday
we got way off topic here

I'm still responsible for the actions I took that ended up putting you in the position to need to fix things to begin with. If you hadn't warned me I would have done the same thing all over again. Now you see what kind of person I really am, don't you?

[ He had hoped that at least one Dave would remain in the dark about him, but if he knew everything now -- what could he even do?

... birthday? ]

My what?

what did au you even do again
piss off a bella??
idk
its not really important

dude
dont tell me you dont know the day
bc thatd be really sad

I don't even know. You never shared all the how's and why's. I only know it was horrible, shameful and selfish. You shouldn't even be speaking to me.

I know what day it is. Why do you care?

nope
nu uh
were not playing the "pls hold me responsible for something i did in another timeline" game
not gonna happen
get a new fucking thing to guilt trip about
bc thats not allowed

birthdays are hella important man
im really into them

Let me get this straight. You know what I did and you're not only dismissing it completely but you're asking me about my birthday of all things?

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