[ No, it wasn't a joke. Just a desperate attempt to ground himself in a situation that had left him shaken in a multitude of ways, but he could almost breathe easier again. Not yet, but almost. He shook his head at the doctor remark, but the trace of a smile was present. They both knew full well that Ed was the real expert and had he not been able to give guidance things may not have gone as well. ] I can't take all of the credit. I happen to have a very skilled partner.
[ Oh. Oh no. That was the most awkward word he could have used. Oswald immediately put a fist to his mouth and cleared his throat, absentmindedly tugging at the sleeves of his jacket for lack of anything else to do with his hands. ] I'll go get that then. Excuse me a moment. [ He turned abruptly and left the room without any fanfare, groaning at himself once he was far enough out of earshot. Ed could probably hear him banging cabinets and generally being a bit too forceful with things in the kitchen though. Oops. At least that would drown out the way he was verbally scolding himself. ]
[ Oswald is no doctor but he's likely far better at it than half the people he sees at work, to be honest. Ed is, of course, the mastermind behind this skill at the moment though. He's wearing his own little smile for a second. ] That's true. You do have a skilled partner. [ And that smile quickly turns into an incredibly confused frown.
He props himself up on his elbows, ignoring the pain that shift provided to try and watch him better while Oswald ...flees the room? And groans. And slams cabinets. Head tilted to the side in the best attempt to get an angle to look out the open door (it doesn't help much). The view he gets is just of Spinda happily waving and then hitting his face on the door-frame on the way in. ]
- Oswald? [ They must've said something wrong. Since the doctor line had been previously used, it would have to be the use of the word 'partner' that would be enough to go throw a fit in the kitchen for using it. That's just childish. It had a perfectly innocent context, one that technically already applied to them as people who have been working together. It doesn't always mean a romantic pair and yet Oswald's probably going to be breaking the glass before water enters it for thinking about it that way.
Ed groans himself and leans back. And then a far louder, an additional voice starts yelling: "SPIIIIIIIIINDA!" ] ...I don't need you to scream for him. He was coming back.
[ He was too busy taking out his frustration on the entire kitchen to hear Ed say his name. The fact that he'd caused him to try to sit up more properly despite that it likely hurt quite a bit just for him to leave so he could have a thorough tantrum only fueled how angry he was with himself. ] Partner. Partner. What kind of moronic fool am I? I bet he doesn't even feel anything and only keeps it up because if he didn't then I would --
[ The banging stopped. In an instant he went silent. What would he do? ... what had he done, in a different but nearly identical life? Oswald leaned his palms on the counter and squeezed his eyes shut, inhaling deeply in the process. He almost had broken the glass, honestly. Hearing Spinda screaming at the top of its lungs startled him back to reality, but it also nearly made him roll his eyes back into his head. Sighing, he got what he'd came for and made his way back. He was just going to pretend none of that had happened. He cleared his throat for a second time before entering the room again, the water in one hand and a bottle of pain medication in the other. ]
My apologies. I forgot where I put the medicine. [ It was a highly unconvincing excuse, though in the midst of his fit he actually had misplaced it. He gestured to Spinda to try to keep the subject off of his embarrassing behavior. ] I see he found you again.
[ That silence was worrisome. He didn't hear anything break but... ]
Don't do it. [ Groaned out. Oswald comes back and Ed's got an arm over his face while Spinda's inhaling as big of a breath as he can like he was two seconds away from screaming again. You know, just to be sure Oswald really was coming back and heard him the first time. And there he is. ] -Oh good. [ He removes his arm and tries to sit up again. Spinda lets that breath go. Crisis averted. ]
It's always in the same spot. [ That is not a convincing excuse in the slightest. Ed's about to remark on it but Oswald's subject diversion works. Temporarily. Just a glance at Spinda, who is now trying to yank off Ed's socks for him so that helpful new pair he fetched can go into play. He tries so hard. ] ...Yes, he did. [ And back to Oswald. ] Everything okay?
[ Oswald stared at Spinda for a good few moments just to make sure there wasn't going to be any more screaming before looking back to Ed. He really couldn't take it if he started yelling again. Why did Ed have to know exactly where everything was even in a state like this? He didn't want to fake ignorance, but... ] I suppose it is. Silly me! [ He shrugged and looked to the side as if he'd never known where they kept the medicine to begin with before giving Ed the glass, waiting until he took to it open the pill bottle for him and hold his hand out again with the proper dose. ] Of course. Nothing to worry about. Now hurry up and take this so we can get you resting properly. [ And wearing a shirt again. But primarily resting. ]
[ Ed's staring at Oswald. That expectant look that just turns somewhat disappointed when Oswald starts faking ignorance. Okay. Oswald doesn't want to talk about that. He could press... He could. Maybe he shouldn't. He does know what it's about. He thinks he does.
He looks elsewhere. Ed accepts the water and the pills with a muttered "thank you," quickly taking them and washing it down with water. Water he almost chugs for a second before stopping himself. Holding it carefully and tapping his fingers on it between sips. Hmmm.
[ He hated that. He hated when Ed looked like he expected something and then his face fell when he didn't get it. It was unbearable in a way that weakened his defenses more and more by the second. Oswald wanted to please Ed. He really did. He didn't want to ever be the one to make him look like that. But he was still prideful, and that was one of his biggest problems. Lying or averting was both easier and safer than the truth. Despite his feelings he still had to struggle with that. He reached for one of the washcloths he'd brought to remove the blood that was still dried onto Ed's skin, but before he could bring himself to do anything he let out a sigh of defeat. He couldn't look him in the face like this. ] Just say it.
[ Lying or averting the truth was something Ed was on the receiving end of - and not something he had been doing himself. Oswald knows what he knows concerning emotional matters, mostly. He keeps feelings to himself until he has an answer about what they actually are, in any case. Oswald is difficult to comprehend. Emotional to a fault.
He's quiet until spoken to. Then he's looking at him again - inhaling a breath. Carefully pressing his lips together while looking up. Good hand going by the mouth for a moment after setting the glass aside.
It's used to gesture between them. ] Do you want a partnership? You said it and fled the room.
[ Oswald knew what Ed was going to ask him about, yet the anticipation of it was still torturous. Though, it was self inflicted torture. All of this was. Were the effects of that place still lingering in his mind or was this just how he was no matter what? He liked to think he had more control over himself than what he was displaying but the truth was likely that the latter was more true than the former. What had happened had just given him an excuse to think something else was making him act out of sorts. But this was all him, and now he had to face the consequences of that. ]
... what? [ To say he was staring was an understatement. For what felt like too long, he almost couldn't comprehend what he'd just heard. A bold question like that should have crossed his mind as a possibility but it hadn't. What was he supposed to say? His response could potentially have horrible results. But what had denial and repression gotten him? He'd been doing it all day and it had ended in him acting so out of line that he'd made himself angry. And what about no secrets? The truth might be the only answer he could live with. ]
Yes. [ Somehow he didn't look away, but his voice had been too weak. He had to repeat it. It needed more conviction. ] Yes. [ Another deep breath. He was doing that a lot these last few hours. ] I... I don't know what was whispering in the back of your head today, Ed, but there was one thing I couldn't stop thinking about above everything else. It was you. If I could spend every moment of my life with you nothing would make me happier. [ He smiled slightly, but his brows were knitted and just as quick as it came on it dissipated again. ] But what I don't want is you to agree to something just because you said you'd do anything. You deserve to be happy so much more than I ever will. If you weren't -- [ He shook his head lightly. ] My happiness doesn't matter if yours doesn't exist.
[ A question. A question wrapped in six thousand subtext questions. Questions that just by asking it, make a question. Ed is keeping an eye on Oswald now, afraid to look away from him and miss the way his face flickers everything he's thinking sometimes.
Oswald didn't exactly hesitate to give an answer. And he probably knows he knows there wasn't a 'No' to that one. Not the way he leapt right to love. He's always so damn sure of what he wants. Who he is. He has all the answers about himself. It's almost infuriating. Would be if it wasn't directed his way. Someone thinking about him all day. That's a lot. He almost regrets asking because he wouldn't be able to answer if the question was flipped. He doesn't know. The corners of his mouth twitch and he isn't sure if he was going to frown or smile.
What was whispering in the back of his own head all day? It was so muddled. He wants something. To have something. To be something. To belong somewhere. All day the whispers just cried out for him to grab attention. Take the mask off. Someone has to know it's him under there. Only one person knew it was him. Ed's just... What do a broken clock, an alligator, and a plate of cheese have in common? ]
I don't deserve to be happy over you, Oswald. [ Something with something because of something with someone. There's so much directed his way. And on his own he's .... ?
Despite how painful it is, Ed's leaning forward and into him. Just hold on to something. Maybe this works both ways with the happiness. ]
[ To answer any other way would have been such a tremendous lie that it would have hurt both of them. There was no conceivable way he could have said anything else. Just as carefully as Ed was watching him, likewise Oswald was trying to glean some kind of idea of how he felt from both his face and his body language. Neither told him much. He had always been much better at keeping his emotions hidden from an outside view, but Oswald did catch that one slip in his facade. He just didn't know what it meant. Maybe Ed didn't either. Or maybe he did and he hadn't found the best way to say whatever it was. This was one of the occasions that he couldn't decipher what he was thinking. All he could do was share what he had been feeling.
As soon as he spoke, Oswald immediately forgot how stifling the silence on Ed's end of things had started to become. He wouldn't have been able to argue Ed if he ever decided to say something about how emotional of a being Oswald was; between the tone of his voice and the look in his eyes it was undeniable that he was feeling a flood of emotions. ] You're wrong. [ Again, he was shaking his head. ] You gave to me even when I was at my most ungrateful. That makes you a far greater and more deserving man than I am.
[ He wasn't sure what he was going to say next, but it turned out not to matter. Oswald didn't even have the chance to tell Ed that he shouldn't be sitting up before he found himself being securely embraced. He didn't know what that meant, either, but he felt himself relax and settle into it and let the questions fade away for just then. Carefully he wrapped his arms around Ed in return, holding him as near as possible without risking the chance of hurting him, subconsciously burying part of his face in the crook of his neck as he relished the closeness. He didn't feel so filled with turmoil on the inside when they were like this. Silence was okay for now. ]
[ He won't argue with him. He isn't sure if he's more deserving or not. He thinks he does deserve a great deal of things but his own happiness over Oswald's seems a bit much. He does deserve to be happy though, doesn't he?
Ed doesn't know what answer could be inferred with the hug. Maybe none. Rarely one to really initiate the hugs, Oswald still deserved one. Eyes squeeze shut. Embracing him so tightly - tightly both because he wants to cling to something right now and hadn't realized how desperately he wanted the comfort from it. Starved from human contact that wasn't violent. And because of the amount of pain he's in results in more of a squeeze than intended. They're good like this. Silence is okay for now.
At least until he's wincing into Oswald's shoulder because there's another living thing in the room and it tried to join in all this hugging by worming his way in and latching little arms to Ed's side. The side they just patched. Oh. He saw stars. ]
[ Before their embrace, Oswald had feared he would hear something that he didn't want to. That Ed would finally say how he really felt and put an end to his perceived reality that sometimes felt too much like a fantasy. He hadn't. Often nothing said something, and this nothing said that Ed desperately needed to be loved. The way he was nearly clinging to him made that abundantly clear. He wanted Oswald in some capacity, but to what capacity and in what manner was still a mystery. Perhaps the reason he'd said nothing is because not even he knew the answer. Maybe the puzzle wasn't what he'd thought it was.
Somewhere in the midst of things Oswald had closed his eyes too, his hand moving from the place at the back of Ed's neck where his fingers had just barely graced his hair to allow it to slide down and gently rub his back in an act of comfort. It was a bit for both of them, really. If Ed had been in any worse condition, if he'd -- no, he didn't want to think about it. He would have been lost without him.
The sudden sign of discomfort from Ed had him pulling back immediately, causing Oswald to instantly realize that he had been touching his bare skin in a very intimate way without any warning or even asking if he was okay with it. How had he been okay with it? He opened his mouth to apologize, internally reprimanding himself in a constant loop until his attention was brought to the third party that had attempted to be a part of what had been going on. Worry temporarily overrode everything else. ] No, no, no, no. [ He quickly took Spinda's arms, removing them before turning the small creature's head and pointing to Ed's bandaged injury. ] Do you see this? That means he's hurt, which also means you can't hug him there. You have to try somewhere else. Understand?
[ He didn't wait for an answer, instead picking him up and moving him to Ed's other side. Spinda didn't hesitate to attempt hug number two which only made Oswald roll his eyes and shrug lightly. ] I guess he loves you too. [ He looked back to Ed, but the way he went to bite at his bottom lip wasn't because of what he'd just said. For being so quick to react and chastise himself for using the word partner, implicating love had come so naturally and without thought that he hadn't even realized that he'd said it at all. He was, however, aware of the way he'd let his hand wander and he was still extremely embarrassed about it. ] Um. Are you alright?
Edited (i hecked up such a big one) 2017-06-23 07:36 (UTC)
[ This odd moment in time. Somewhere that didn't seem to have consequences to what was real life up until now. Gotham is so far away. No one would ever know what they're doing here. The only person here outside of the two of them is never to be heard from again back home. Everyone he killed today will likely be back by the end of the week. No consequences so no one else here really matters.
Oswald is real. Solid. Cares. Matters. What would he be doing without him? This is important. The hand on the back of his neck - moved to rub his back had put a chill through him. Maybe because it's cold hands on warm skin. Or he's the cold one? Probably not. He's likely feverish. That's why everything feels like he's underwater. He doesn't pull back, even if he knows this is likely taking things another step forward. Forcing it. Another foot in the wat-- oh he fell in.
He snapped out of that in an instant. Sharp hot pain. Spinda meant well but he really lacks the mental capacity to realize things sometimes. Ed had to pull back somewhat, grinding the heels of a palm on his eyes. Tearing up is not the plan. He has to pull the other arm into himself before Spinda unintentionally hurts his wrist further trying to give him an apologetic pat on the hand during hug number 2. ]
You're far gentler with your love than he is. I'm becoming envious of your pain tolerance, Oswald. I underestimated how high it was. [ This is horrific. Ed needs stronger pain killers. ]
[ If love was like being underwater, Oswald had been swept out to sea. He couldn't have stopped himself from falling under the pull of the waves even if he had actually tried to. Just like Ed, he knew how it was to desire affections that weren't cruel. Were those same waves crashing in on him too? If they were, how hard was he fighting them?
Oswald's concern likely showed on his face. The damage couldn't have been too severe, and thank heavens it hadn't been, but with the condition Ed was in there was no question it had hurt quite a bit. He could have determined that without the reaction that was seemingly so out of character, but it made him sympathize more. Feel more empathetic. Those weren't emotions he exercised very often. ]
My -- [ He hesitated momentarily. Had he said that out loud? Yes, yes he had. Would he ever stop feeling shy about showing affection? ] I'm sure he'll learn. He's still young. [ He was actually making excuses for him. Or was he looking for a quick subject change? ... both? ] Oh, well, if you get beat up enough you just get used to it. [ Ha ha. Why did he keep laughing at things that weren't funny? ] Anyway, if you're okay then I really should get you cleaned up and resting.
[ Ed was resisting. Clinging to the edges to avoid full submersion, pulling his head up. The concept of drowning is terrifying. To give in would mean opening back up to the possibility that either one of them may easily get hurt. The only meaningful relationship ending in a death of his own fault doesn't keep the water calm.
It wasn't terrible. Painful, yes. Had it required immediate attention and would need care? Yes. But it would heal. It would be fine. Hardly a scar, most likely - since Ed will be on top of it. Oswald is more resilient than he'll ever be. He understands the strength of the other so much more. He could get stabbed and walk it off.
He gives Oswald a look and gives Spinda one as well. Is he defending him? The secret came out. He likes him enough not to even raise his voice at him for making Ed see painful stars. That's a serious soft spot. Wow. Ed had no idea. A frown follows. ]
That's not true. I never got used to it. ...Right. I'll be okay.
[ Oswald knew Ed well enough to realize that more likely than not he still viewed love as a weakness. He'd watched Oswald become a complete mess throughout this entire process, and in his eyes that had to make his conviction even stronger. But as for Oswald himself -- he couldn't bring himself to entirely feel that way anymore. He had faced pain and inner turmoil at a great length because of his feelings, but those were things he had endured just as much without love in the equation. To love and, even in part, be loved back had given everything so much more value. Things that hurt would hurt less, and things that were joyful were even more so. They would never betray each other and as a team they were untouchable. How could what they had be anything but strength?
The way Ed was looking between him and Spinda made Oswald exhale heavily. It was going to come out that he didn't actually hate the little thing eventually. Stop making that expression, Ed. ] Whatever. Who do you think has to take care of him when he's being a nuisance and you aren't here? [ But then he paused. That hadn't been the right thing to say at all. Had he ever considered how little he knew about Ed's past before now? He sighed again, but it was much more quietly. ] I know. I didn't either. I only took it as a welcome reprieve from the words that often hurt much more. [ He felt sorry for his careless use of words. His gaze averted from Ed's to a washcloth, checking the temperature with the back of his hand before deciding it was acceptable. He paused and bit his lip like he was bracing himself. This certainly wasn't the scenario he'd imagined when he thought about Ed being shirtless in front of him. Not that he'd thought about it. Dammit. It was better if he got caught in the details of what he was doing and forced everything else out. ]
[ Love can lead to betrayal. Or blackmail. Or death. Heartbreak. Suffering. A complete breakdown of every fiber of your being until it's molded into something else. He wants love, he does. But...
Oswald is putting a lot of things into question.
Ed keeps giving them that look. The expression doesn't stop. He keeps glancing between them, at least until Spinda decides to plant a kiss on his hand. Hey. ] A nuisance? Oswald, that's rude. [ He looks away then, lowering his voice down. Hateful. ] There's no reprieve from either. [ A glance back, a forced smile that turns into something small and real while the focus shifts ]
[ That was the biggest difference between them. Oswald had been quick to accept the things he felt despite any questions that would come after, whereas Ed had to consider every possible variable before he could even begin to consider believing or accepting something. Maybe his final calculation would be that Oswald simply wasn't worth the risk. He'd still love him even then, he thought.
If he was going to keep giving that look he'd just have to ignore it. Spinda could kiss him so easily. Brat. ] What should I call it when he slams his head into a closed door three times in a row?
[ The abrupt, stark change in tone left Oswald momentarily speechless and wondering just what kind of horrible memories he'd reminded Ed of. He wanted to know, but was it right to bring it up? Likely not. Not right now especially. But he still felt the need to say something, even if it was said quietly. ] You were better than them. You are better. Weaker people can't stand that. [ He missed the the forced part of the smile, too busy doing... well, exactly what he'd been accused of. ] No! No, I was just -- [ Just what? ] What are you smiling about?
[ Denying the one time someone gives him genuine love is a terrible idea. It's too rare to throw away. To push aside. To not give an attempt at. He at least knows that much, even if allowing himself to give it back is difficult.
The only kiss he's gotten in weeks and it's from a sentient stuffed animal. Oh, Spinda. ] Progress. He usually hits it four times.
[ He shouldn't have allowed his head to go there. He buries that so deep. Whatever memories they were, he's refusing to focus on them. Ed turns his gaze down, shaking his head. ] I know. [ Oswald always means it when he says things like that. The only one who says it, really. But enough of that. There's something to be amused about. ]
You're trying not to look at me, aren't you? [ The smile is getting wider. Abort mission, Oswald. He caught on. ]
[ The desire to give love had never been a problem for Oswald so much as finding people that deserved it. For nearly all of his life only his mother had been worth it. His father, despite how tragically brief it was. But that was platonic. Ed was the only one that had been able to make his heart beat fast enough to consider the romantic in more than passing and quick to fade infatuation. He'd also been the only one able to finally break through and, even if he was still learning, begin to teach him what love truly meant.
If only Ed knew how close Oswald had been to being the one to kiss him. ] Fine. Progress.
[ That small confirmation was really all that he needed to hear to know that Ed's past had been far crueler than he'd thought to consider. It made sense. Not even Oswald had shown him an ounce of respect the first time they'd met. He'd been immediately branded as too needlessly enthusiastic, too nosy, too strange. How much more ruthless had others been? He didn't have time to think about it. He didn't know the past but the present had him scrambling for much more immediate answers. ] I would have thought you'd want me to be mindful of your modesty, but if you're going to be like th- [ Oh god, he was grinning. Face, meet hands. ] Stop it.
[ Ed hadn't the luxury of familial love. Platonic love. True friendship outside of Oswald. Leslie Thompkins came the closest to trying to be his friend before coming here. But only because she was friends with Kristen first. No Kristen and she's punching him in the face at the sight of him. Love is a mostly foreign concept. Any kind.
Now he has ...whatever this is.
He's still grinning a mix of amusement and being incredibly smug about everything. Like Oswald was doing nothing but paying him compliments and he gets to hold his chin high. He is getting compliments, technically. Just not verbally. ] You don't have to be mindful of any modesty. I gave you permission to take my shirt off. [ A wink. ] Stop what? [ He's done for. ]
[ It wasn't a hard conclusion to make that Ed had probably never truly had a family. He never once spoke of them. That left Oswald with nothing to assume except that they had either abandoned him or been unspeakably cruel. It's a sickening realization to discover that the person you adore and love so passionately has never genuinely been loved by anyone else but you. That meant Oswald had to do even better. Try even harder. Do whatever he could to give Ed what he had so severely been deprived of but so very much deserved.
Oswald hadn't exactly factored the washcloth he'd been holding into consideration when he'd gone to hide his embarrassment, so when he hit the unexpected damp surface he'd immediately jerked his head up. It was quick enough to see the look on Ed's face as he said that. The wink. If there's supposed to be butterflies in your stomach when you look at the one you love, Oswald was pretty sure his butterflies were suffocating. It was also possible that his cheeks had just burst into flame. ] You know what. Saying those -- those things. You need to be-- [ Be? ] You should-- [ Should...? He exhaled shakily, his fists clenched. He looked conflicted. Like he was holding himself back from doing something. He didn't want Ed to stop at all. For at least a minute, he didn't say anything at all. Then finally, barely above a whisper: ] I don't know what to do about the way you make me feel.
[ Ed would suspect there could be a sickening possessiveness that could come with knowing such a thing. That any love given was from a single person. All matters of the heart are his to mold any way he pleases and Ed would lack experiences to compare. That the claim of "no one will ever love you as much" could hold true and the proof would be that no one has.
Oswald just hit himself in the face with a wet washcloth and Ed couldn't help letting out a laugh at it, loudly and matching the toothy smile on his face. He's twisting him up. This must be some sort of form of torture. Look how red his face is. ] Should...? [ What should he be doing? Sleeping, probably. The current situation overrules the tiredness and is distracting enough from the pain. He tilts his head, presses his lips together for a moment in thought. Oswald doesn't know what to do here. He stumped him. ]
I am just two and two. I am hot. I am cold. I am the parent of numbers that cannot be told. I am a gift beyond measure, a matter of course. I am given with pleasure, or taken by force. What am I?
[ The laughing certainly didn't make the hue on his face any less intense, but the sound of it produced a very small and extremely bashful smile from Oswald. Was it at him or with him? He wasn't sure that mattered. He just wanted to hear it. As long as Ed was laughing everything felt a little better, even if it did only make him fall harder with every passing second. If only it had lasted. When it stopped the smile slipped away and he was left feeling vulnerable again. He wasn't sure how to respond. Oswald knew what he'd meant and sleep had indeed been the correct answer, but he paused. Ed was posing a riddle. For all of a millisecond he looked uncertain.
A penny dropped. His eyes widened. Oswald didn't need to hear the whole thing to know what the answer was. Where it was going. For a moment it felt like everything had completely frozen and nothing else around them was real. Ed... was telling him to kiss him? That couldn't be right. It sounded too good to be true. But would he invite such a thing to satisfy Oswald's desires alone? Ed was sacrificial, but he had never lied. Never led him on. Unable to find the words to ask what his heart was begging to know, Oswald searched his face, desperately looking to glean an answer from his gaze.
He found what he'd been looking for.
What had been in his hand was immediately dropped and forgotten. Before he could question himself any further he was just a breath away from Ed's face, staring more deeply into his eyes than he ever had before. There were no more questions to be asked; rather, there was one to answer. Oswald's gaze flickered downward and back up again, both gathering his courage and asking permission despite that it had already been given. It was now or never. He inhaled before he leaned in completely and closed his eyes, titling his head ever so slightly. Both hands found their way to the sides of Ed's face, completely in sync with the moment that their lips gently met. It was modest and without fanfare, but the emotion put into it was immense. If the first time they had been here was beautiful, this time was breathtaking. Oswald was helpless to hold back the urge to smile into it.
The butterflies weren't suffocating. They had died to the rest of the universe and ascended to paradise. ]
Edited (me: still editing this bc im being picky af) 2017-07-01 10:03 (UTC)
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
action;
[ Oh. Oh no. That was the most awkward word he could have used. Oswald immediately put a fist to his mouth and cleared his throat, absentmindedly tugging at the sleeves of his jacket for lack of anything else to do with his hands. ] I'll go get that then. Excuse me a moment. [ He turned abruptly and left the room without any fanfare, groaning at himself once he was far enough out of earshot. Ed could probably hear him banging cabinets and generally being a bit too forceful with things in the kitchen though. Oops. At least that would drown out the way he was verbally scolding himself. ]
action;
He props himself up on his elbows, ignoring the pain that shift provided to try and watch him better while Oswald ...flees the room? And groans. And slams cabinets. Head tilted to the side in the best attempt to get an angle to look out the open door (it doesn't help much). The view he gets is just of Spinda happily waving and then hitting his face on the door-frame on the way in. ]
- Oswald? [ They must've said something wrong. Since the doctor line had been previously used, it would have to be the use of the word 'partner' that would be enough to go throw a fit in the kitchen for using it. That's just childish. It had a perfectly innocent context, one that technically already applied to them as people who have been working together. It doesn't always mean a romantic pair and yet Oswald's probably going to be breaking the glass before water enters it for thinking about it that way.
Ed groans himself and leans back. And then a far louder, an additional voice starts yelling: "SPIIIIIIIIINDA!" ] ...I don't need you to scream for him. He was coming back.
action;
[ The banging stopped. In an instant he went silent. What would he do? ... what had he done, in a different but nearly identical life? Oswald leaned his palms on the counter and squeezed his eyes shut, inhaling deeply in the process. He almost had broken the glass, honestly. Hearing Spinda screaming at the top of its lungs startled him back to reality, but it also nearly made him roll his eyes back into his head. Sighing, he got what he'd came for and made his way back. He was just going to pretend none of that had happened. He cleared his throat for a second time before entering the room again, the water in one hand and a bottle of pain medication in the other. ]
My apologies. I forgot where I put the medicine. [ It was a highly unconvincing excuse, though in the midst of his fit he actually had misplaced it. He gestured to Spinda to try to keep the subject off of his embarrassing behavior. ] I see he found you again.
action;
Don't do it. [ Groaned out. Oswald comes back and Ed's got an arm over his face while Spinda's inhaling as big of a breath as he can like he was two seconds away from screaming again. You know, just to be sure Oswald really was coming back and heard him the first time. And there he is. ] -Oh good. [ He removes his arm and tries to sit up again. Spinda lets that breath go. Crisis averted. ]
It's always in the same spot. [ That is not a convincing excuse in the slightest. Ed's about to remark on it but Oswald's subject diversion works. Temporarily. Just a glance at Spinda, who is now trying to yank off Ed's socks for him so that helpful new pair he fetched can go into play. He tries so hard. ] ...Yes, he did. [ And back to Oswald. ] Everything okay?
action;
action;
He looks elsewhere. Ed accepts the water and the pills with a muttered "thank you," quickly taking them and washing it down with water. Water he almost chugs for a second before stopping himself. Holding it carefully and tapping his fingers on it between sips. Hmmm.
Oh. He lost both socks now. Good job, Spinda. ]
action;
action;
He's quiet until spoken to. Then he's looking at him again - inhaling a breath. Carefully pressing his lips together while looking up. Good hand going by the mouth for a moment after setting the glass aside.
It's used to gesture between them. ] Do you want a partnership? You said it and fled the room.
action;
... what? [ To say he was staring was an understatement. For what felt like too long, he almost couldn't comprehend what he'd just heard. A bold question like that should have crossed his mind as a possibility but it hadn't. What was he supposed to say? His response could potentially have horrible results. But what had denial and repression gotten him? He'd been doing it all day and it had ended in him acting so out of line that he'd made himself angry. And what about no secrets? The truth might be the only answer he could live with. ]
Yes. [ Somehow he didn't look away, but his voice had been too weak. He had to repeat it. It needed more conviction. ] Yes. [ Another deep breath. He was doing that a lot these last few hours. ] I... I don't know what was whispering in the back of your head today, Ed, but there was one thing I couldn't stop thinking about above everything else. It was you. If I could spend every moment of my life with you nothing would make me happier. [ He smiled slightly, but his brows were knitted and just as quick as it came on it dissipated again. ] But what I don't want is you to agree to something just because you said you'd do anything. You deserve to be happy so much more than I ever will. If you weren't -- [ He shook his head lightly. ] My happiness doesn't matter if yours doesn't exist.
action;
Oswald didn't exactly hesitate to give an answer. And he probably knows he knows there wasn't a 'No' to that one. Not the way he leapt right to love. He's always so damn sure of what he wants. Who he is. He has all the answers about himself. It's almost infuriating. Would be if it wasn't directed his way. Someone thinking about him all day. That's a lot. He almost regrets asking because he wouldn't be able to answer if the question was flipped. He doesn't know. The corners of his mouth twitch and he isn't sure if he was going to frown or smile.
What was whispering in the back of his own head all day? It was so muddled. He wants something. To have something. To be something. To belong somewhere. All day the whispers just cried out for him to grab attention. Take the mask off. Someone has to know it's him under there. Only one person knew it was him. Ed's just... What do a broken clock, an alligator, and a plate of cheese have in common? ]
I don't deserve to be happy over you, Oswald. [ Something with something because of something with someone. There's so much directed his way. And on his own he's .... ?
Despite how painful it is, Ed's leaning forward and into him. Just hold on to something. Maybe this works both ways with the happiness. ]
action;
As soon as he spoke, Oswald immediately forgot how stifling the silence on Ed's end of things had started to become. He wouldn't have been able to argue Ed if he ever decided to say something about how emotional of a being Oswald was; between the tone of his voice and the look in his eyes it was undeniable that he was feeling a flood of emotions. ] You're wrong. [ Again, he was shaking his head. ] You gave to me even when I was at my most ungrateful. That makes you a far greater and more deserving man than I am.
[ He wasn't sure what he was going to say next, but it turned out not to matter. Oswald didn't even have the chance to tell Ed that he shouldn't be sitting up before he found himself being securely embraced. He didn't know what that meant, either, but he felt himself relax and settle into it and let the questions fade away for just then. Carefully he wrapped his arms around Ed in return, holding him as near as possible without risking the chance of hurting him, subconsciously burying part of his face in the crook of his neck as he relished the closeness. He didn't feel so filled with turmoil on the inside when they were like this. Silence was okay for now. ]
action;
Ed doesn't know what answer could be inferred with the hug. Maybe none. Rarely one to really initiate the hugs, Oswald still deserved one. Eyes squeeze shut. Embracing him so tightly - tightly both because he wants to cling to something right now and hadn't realized how desperately he wanted the comfort from it. Starved from human contact that wasn't violent. And because of the amount of pain he's in results in more of a squeeze than intended. They're good like this. Silence is okay for now.
At least until he's wincing into Oswald's shoulder because there's another living thing in the room and it tried to join in all this hugging by worming his way in and latching little arms to Ed's side. The side they just patched. Oh. He saw stars. ]
Spinda, please let go.
action;
Somewhere in the midst of things Oswald had closed his eyes too, his hand moving from the place at the back of Ed's neck where his fingers had just barely graced his hair to allow it to slide down and gently rub his back in an act of comfort. It was a bit for both of them, really. If Ed had been in any worse condition, if he'd -- no, he didn't want to think about it. He would have been lost without him.
The sudden sign of discomfort from Ed had him pulling back immediately, causing Oswald to instantly realize that he had been touching his bare skin in a very intimate way without any warning or even asking if he was okay with it. How had he been okay with it? He opened his mouth to apologize, internally reprimanding himself in a constant loop until his attention was brought to the third party that had attempted to be a part of what had been going on. Worry temporarily overrode everything else. ] No, no, no, no. [ He quickly took Spinda's arms, removing them before turning the small creature's head and pointing to Ed's bandaged injury. ] Do you see this? That means he's hurt, which also means you can't hug him there. You have to try somewhere else. Understand?
[ He didn't wait for an answer, instead picking him up and moving him to Ed's other side. Spinda didn't hesitate to attempt hug number two which only made Oswald roll his eyes and shrug lightly. ] I guess he loves you too. [ He looked back to Ed, but the way he went to bite at his bottom lip wasn't because of what he'd just said. For being so quick to react and chastise himself for using the word partner, implicating love had come so naturally and without thought that he hadn't even realized that he'd said it at all. He was, however, aware of the way he'd let his hand wander and he was still extremely embarrassed about it. ] Um. Are you alright?
action;
Oswald is real. Solid. Cares. Matters. What would he be doing without him? This is important. The hand on the back of his neck - moved to rub his back had put a chill through him. Maybe because it's cold hands on warm skin. Or he's the cold one? Probably not. He's likely feverish. That's why everything feels like he's underwater. He doesn't pull back, even if he knows this is likely taking things another step forward. Forcing it. Another foot in the wat-- oh he fell in.
He snapped out of that in an instant. Sharp hot pain. Spinda meant well but he really lacks the mental capacity to realize things sometimes. Ed had to pull back somewhat, grinding the heels of a palm on his eyes. Tearing up is not the plan. He has to pull the other arm into himself before Spinda unintentionally hurts his wrist further trying to give him an apologetic pat on the hand during hug number 2. ]
You're far gentler with your love than he is. I'm becoming envious of your pain tolerance, Oswald. I underestimated how high it was. [ This is horrific. Ed needs stronger pain killers. ]
action;
Oswald's concern likely showed on his face. The damage couldn't have been too severe, and thank heavens it hadn't been, but with the condition Ed was in there was no question it had hurt quite a bit. He could have determined that without the reaction that was seemingly so out of character, but it made him sympathize more. Feel more empathetic. Those weren't emotions he exercised very often. ]
My -- [ He hesitated momentarily. Had he said that out loud? Yes, yes he had. Would he ever stop feeling shy about showing affection? ] I'm sure he'll learn. He's still young. [ He was actually making excuses for him. Or was he looking for a quick subject change? ... both? ] Oh, well, if you get beat up enough you just get used to it. [ Ha ha. Why did he keep laughing at things that weren't funny? ] Anyway, if you're okay then I really should get you cleaned up and resting.
action;
It wasn't terrible. Painful, yes. Had it required immediate attention and would need care? Yes. But it would heal. It would be fine. Hardly a scar, most likely - since Ed will be on top of it. Oswald is more resilient than he'll ever be. He understands the strength of the other so much more. He could get stabbed and walk it off.
He gives Oswald a look and gives Spinda one as well. Is he defending him? The secret came out. He likes him enough not to even raise his voice at him for making Ed see painful stars. That's a serious soft spot. Wow. Ed had no idea. A frown follows. ]
That's not true. I never got used to it. ...Right. I'll be okay.
action;
The way Ed was looking between him and Spinda made Oswald exhale heavily. It was going to come out that he didn't actually hate the little thing eventually. Stop making that expression, Ed. ] Whatever. Who do you think has to take care of him when he's being a nuisance and you aren't here? [ But then he paused. That hadn't been the right thing to say at all. Had he ever considered how little he knew about Ed's past before now? He sighed again, but it was much more quietly. ] I know. I didn't either. I only took it as a welcome reprieve from the words that often hurt much more. [ He felt sorry for his careless use of words. His gaze averted from Ed's to a washcloth, checking the temperature with the back of his hand before deciding it was acceptable. He paused and bit his lip like he was bracing himself. This certainly wasn't the scenario he'd imagined when he thought about Ed being shirtless in front of him. Not that he'd thought about it. Dammit. It was better if he got caught in the details of what he was doing and forced everything else out. ]
action;
Oswald is putting a lot of things into question.
Ed keeps giving them that look. The expression doesn't stop. He keeps glancing between them, at least until Spinda decides to plant a kiss on his hand. Hey. ] A nuisance? Oswald, that's rude. [ He looks away then, lowering his voice down. Hateful. ] There's no reprieve from either. [ A glance back, a forced smile that turns into something small and real while the focus shifts ]
Are you staring at a washcloth?
action;
If he was going to keep giving that look he'd just have to ignore it. Spinda could kiss him so easily. Brat. ] What should I call it when he slams his head into a closed door three times in a row?
[ The abrupt, stark change in tone left Oswald momentarily speechless and wondering just what kind of horrible memories he'd reminded Ed of. He wanted to know, but was it right to bring it up? Likely not. Not right now especially. But he still felt the need to say something, even if it was said quietly. ] You were better than them. You are better. Weaker people can't stand that. [ He missed the the forced part of the smile, too busy doing... well, exactly what he'd been accused of. ] No! No, I was just -- [ Just what? ] What are you smiling about?
action;
The only kiss he's gotten in weeks and it's from a sentient stuffed animal. Oh, Spinda. ] Progress. He usually hits it four times.
[ He shouldn't have allowed his head to go there. He buries that so deep. Whatever memories they were, he's refusing to focus on them. Ed turns his gaze down, shaking his head. ] I know. [ Oswald always means it when he says things like that. The only one who says it, really. But enough of that. There's something to be amused about. ]
You're trying not to look at me, aren't you? [ The smile is getting wider. Abort mission, Oswald. He caught on. ]
action;
If only Ed knew how close Oswald had been to being the one to kiss him. ] Fine. Progress.
[ That small confirmation was really all that he needed to hear to know that Ed's past had been far crueler than he'd thought to consider. It made sense. Not even Oswald had shown him an ounce of respect the first time they'd met. He'd been immediately branded as too needlessly enthusiastic, too nosy, too strange. How much more ruthless had others been? He didn't have time to think about it. He didn't know the past but the present had him scrambling for much more immediate answers. ] I would have thought you'd want me to be mindful of your modesty, but if you're going to be like th- [ Oh god, he was grinning. Face, meet hands. ] Stop it.
action;
Now he has ...whatever this is.
He's still grinning a mix of amusement and being incredibly smug about everything. Like Oswald was doing nothing but paying him compliments and he gets to hold his chin high. He is getting compliments, technically. Just not verbally. ] You don't have to be mindful of any modesty. I gave you permission to take my shirt off. [ A wink. ] Stop what? [ He's done for. ]
action;
Oswald hadn't exactly factored the washcloth he'd been holding into consideration when he'd gone to hide his embarrassment, so when he hit the unexpected damp surface he'd immediately jerked his head up. It was quick enough to see the look on Ed's face as he said that. The wink. If there's supposed to be butterflies in your stomach when you look at the one you love, Oswald was pretty sure his butterflies were suffocating. It was also possible that his cheeks had just burst into flame. ] You know what. Saying those -- those things. You need to be-- [ Be? ] You should-- [ Should...? He exhaled shakily, his fists clenched. He looked conflicted. Like he was holding himself back from doing something. He didn't want Ed to stop at all. For at least a minute, he didn't say anything at all. Then finally, barely above a whisper: ] I don't know what to do about the way you make me feel.
action;
Oswald just hit himself in the face with a wet washcloth and Ed couldn't help letting out a laugh at it, loudly and matching the toothy smile on his face. He's twisting him up. This must be some sort of form of torture. Look how red his face is. ] Should...? [ What should he be doing? Sleeping, probably. The current situation overrules the tiredness and is distracting enough from the pain. He tilts his head, presses his lips together for a moment in thought. Oswald doesn't know what to do here. He stumped him. ]
I am just two and two. I am hot. I am cold. I am the parent of numbers that cannot be told. I am a gift beyond measure, a matter of course. I am given with pleasure, or taken by force. What am I?
action;
A penny dropped. His eyes widened. Oswald didn't need to hear the whole thing to know what the answer was. Where it was going. For a moment it felt like everything had completely frozen and nothing else around them was real. Ed... was telling him to kiss him? That couldn't be right. It sounded too good to be true. But would he invite such a thing to satisfy Oswald's desires alone? Ed was sacrificial, but he had never lied. Never led him on. Unable to find the words to ask what his heart was begging to know, Oswald searched his face, desperately looking to glean an answer from his gaze.
He found what he'd been looking for.
What had been in his hand was immediately dropped and forgotten. Before he could question himself any further he was just a breath away from Ed's face, staring more deeply into his eyes than he ever had before. There were no more questions to be asked; rather, there was one to answer. Oswald's gaze flickered downward and back up again, both gathering his courage and asking permission despite that it had already been given. It was now or never. He inhaled before he leaned in completely and closed his eyes, titling his head ever so slightly. Both hands found their way to the sides of Ed's face, completely in sync with the moment that their lips gently met. It was modest and without fanfare, but the emotion put into it was immense. If the first time they had been here was beautiful, this time was breathtaking. Oswald was helpless to hold back the urge to smile into it.
The butterflies weren't suffocating. They had died to the rest of the universe and ascended to paradise. ]
action;
action;