Could I have? Other people never quite understood. I wonder if you're right.
I think we're past you needing to apologize for being upset with me while I forcibly held you against your will in my apartment. In hindsight that may not have been the best awakening.
I hadn't begun to learn what it takes to love someone until being here. I fear I would have done you wrong had I spoken up too soon.
I guess we'll never be certain. I'd like to think there was a reason things happened how they did, though I still don't understand why you'd go so far as to say you didn't want to live without me back then.
We both know I would have complained no matter what.
I didn't even love my mother the way she deserved, Ed. I lied to her all the time. I endangered her because of what I wanted. She died in a way that could never befit her because of the things I chose to do. I didn't put her first. I would have done the same to you. Loved, but selfishly. Greedily. I don't know that I would have learned differently until it was too late and I lost you. You learned what love is first. You would have realized mine wasn't good enough.
Those were the words that had made Oswald fall so deeply. They were the words that had changed everything. That was why he'd wanted so much to tell Ed the same thing when he finally confessed. And he had. Now a variation of those words, the same principle, was looking him the face once again and affecting him as much as the first time. It was hard to put into words how he felt. Ed had such power over him. Three sentences, two intertwined sentiments. That's all it took to leave him speechless and his heart pumping so fast that he could hear it throbbing in his ears. If love is sacrifice, if love is a willingness to do anything for someone... did that mean Ed felt something for him, too?
Did Ed love him?
He laughed. He couldn't help it. He was laughing and grinning and on the brink of weeping at something that wasn't even a real admittance of feelings but it was the most tangibly close thing to it that he'd gotten. All those little things that Ed did that made him wonder... had he not been reaching as far as he'd thought? He was a mess. An absolute mess. He didn't care. Ed felt something. He had to. He would never test him in this sort of way. Nothing else made sense. It made other things make sense. It might not be the same full-fledged sort of love that Oswald felt, but maybe that's what it could become. What if it already was becoming that? When had Oswald become such a hopeless romantic? ]
That's what I didn't see before, but now I do. Someone who would do anything for you is who I've decided I want to be. When I told you that it wasn't idly. I am going to do for you what you've done for me all along, Ed. I swear it.
I feel horrible for laughing just now. I thought about using an emoji as a response. This is such a sentimental conversation to be having over text messages of all things. One could so easily ruin the tone.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Not as long as my grades aren't slipping.
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Top of the class. :)
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That's only a compliment if there's more than just me in the class.
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Everyone is in the class, Oswald.
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Goodness, then that's quite the compliment. It's my turn to be thankful to you.
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You don't have to thank me for you being smarter than everyone else.
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No, but it is nice to be thought so highly of.
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It is, isn't it? :)
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For me.
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I wasn't going to live without you and you forgot my name. That's funny.
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What? You hardly knew me then. It isn't like I treated you well beforehand. You could have found another teacher.
I guess I owe you for more than one lifetime. I am sorry for how things started between us, you know. I was... unfair.
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Could I have? Other people never quite understood. I wonder if you're right.
I think we're past you needing to apologize for being upset with me while I forcibly held you against your will in my apartment. In hindsight that may not have been the best awakening.
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I guess we'll never be certain. I'd like to think there was a reason things happened how they did, though I still don't understand why you'd go so far as to say you didn't want to live without me back then.
We both know I would have complained no matter what.
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Do you believe in fate?
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Do you?
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Yes.
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Those were the words that had made Oswald fall so deeply. They were the words that had changed everything. That was why he'd wanted so much to tell Ed the same thing when he finally confessed. And he had. Now a variation of those words, the same principle, was looking him the face once again and affecting him as much as the first time. It was hard to put into words how he felt. Ed had such power over him. Three sentences, two intertwined sentiments. That's all it took to leave him speechless and his heart pumping so fast that he could hear it throbbing in his ears. If love is sacrifice, if love is a willingness to do anything for someone... did that mean Ed felt something for him, too?
Did Ed love him?
He laughed. He couldn't help it. He was laughing and grinning and on the brink of weeping at something that wasn't even a real admittance of feelings but it was the most tangibly close thing to it that he'd gotten. All those little things that Ed did that made him wonder... had he not been reaching as far as he'd thought? He was a mess. An absolute mess. He didn't care. Ed felt something. He had to. He would never test him in this sort of way. Nothing else made sense. It made other things make sense. It might not be the same full-fledged sort of love that Oswald felt, but maybe that's what it could become. What if it already was becoming that? When had Oswald become such a hopeless romantic? ]
That's what I didn't see before, but now I do. Someone who would do anything for you is who I've decided I want to be. When I told you that it wasn't idly. I am going to do for you what you've done for me all along, Ed. I swear it.
You know what? I think I might too.
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I feel horrible for laughing just now. I thought about using an emoji as a response. This is such a sentimental conversation to be having over text messages of all things. One could so easily ruin the tone.
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See? Ruined.
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You really shouldn't feel bad. I'm the one being overly expressive. I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to bow out of this line of discussion.
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Not necessarily.
💜
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Anyway...
I've still got some work to do over here.
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