Other areas... [ Bluntly. ] You're saying not to repeat past mistakes. [ The tone still indicates it might be a question but he isn't asking for clarification.
Ed removes the phone from his ear and puts it against his forehead. He doesn't know what he was expecting here. Seeing her had brought about a flush of emotions. He never did stop loving her, as enlightening as it had been to kill her after the initial shock. This could be a do over. But it shouldn't be.
Defeated: ]
She's only been here a few hours and I'm questioning myself. [ Duh. More to himself. He paces in his spot, switching the phone's position again from one ear to the other. ]
Act as friend. It would be suspect to act otherwise. But things have to be kept at a distance. I can't be honest with her and pursuing her in any capacity is out of the question. I'll likely only end up hurting her again. [ Or worse. That'll hurt him. Oswald's right. A pause ] Should any contradiction between her timeline and ours arises, we'll adjust our stories accordingly to match.
I realize that isn't what you wanted me to say. I wish I could tell you something less painful, but...
[ But he didn't. Ed feeling any shred of emotional duress was the opposite of what he wanted, but so was him feeling any shred of longing for Kristen. That wasn't in the plan. She wasn't in the plan. He told himself that he had trailed off his words to let Ed think, but he'd done it for himself as well. Just as he'd been about to speak up again, Ed did instead. ]
... you're not going to pursue her? [ Oswald sounded quiet, unsure. The rest of it had registered but that was the first thing that tumbled out of his mouth. ]
[ It comes out a little too fast and Ed almost feels like he shouldn't have. He pauses, voice quiet. Sobering. Almost regretful. ]
What if I hurt her? I can't. She didn't- Doesn't. She doesn't agree with what I did. And I don't regret it. I have to accept that. It ended horribly. It would undoubtedly repeat itself. I don't think I could keep lying so I couldn't continue to be with someone that would view me like- [ A psychopath? Clears his throat. ] Well.
[ Oswald barely had time to cover the phone before he exhaled a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding. He couldn't hold back the grin that was rapidly spreading across his face either. He really wasn't going to go after her. She'd never have him. He could still...
He let out a small, breathy laugh. It was so selfish to be happy, especially the way Ed sounded, but the fear that there was a possibility of losing him to the only person who had the power to take him away -- it was horrifying. But not anymore. He lifted his hand from the phone, seeing now the opportunity he had. He could be the one to support Ed. He was the one who could be there. ]
You shouldn't regret it. You did it because you wanted to protect someone you cared about. There is no regret to be had, friend. I'm only sorry it was for someone who didn't know how to appreciate it. [ Unlike him. He knew how to appreciate how far Ed was willing to go. ] Please believe me when I say that you're not a bother to me. I'll always listen to you. Always. What are friends for, right?
[ Oswald going quiet seemed a lot longer than it should have to him. He wonders if he hung up for a moment and pulls the phone away from his ear to check the screen. No. Still there. He's just too desperate for some sort of response right now, even if he just apologized for bothering him and would hang up himself if it ended right there.
Ed almost bites his nail but catches himself and drops his hand. Oswald has good points. She didn't appreciate that. He probably didn't break it to her right. Maybe if he explained better and didn't hide it-
Now he's making excuses. ]
You're a good friend, Oswald. [ It's nice to have someone there. ] Okay. I'll be heading back shortly. This put things into perspective.
[ Inversely, he'd been so caught up in allowing himself to feel relief that he hadn't noticed at all how long he had or hadn't been silent. It hadn't even crossed his mind. ]
You're a good friend too. [ He should have stopped at that, but the next words came before he even had the chance to think of stopping them. They didn't come out forcefully or too fast, though. It was just... sincere. ] An amazing one, actually. Returning the favor at all is the least I can do. [ Anyway. He cleared his throat. ] See you soon then.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
voice;
Ed removes the phone from his ear and puts it against his forehead. He doesn't know what he was expecting here. Seeing her had brought about a flush of emotions. He never did stop loving her, as enlightening as it had been to kill her after the initial shock. This could be a do over.
But it shouldn't be.
Defeated: ]
She's only been here a few hours and I'm questioning myself. [ Duh. More to himself. He paces in his spot, switching the phone's position again from one ear to the other. ]
Act as friend. It would be suspect to act otherwise. But things have to be kept at a distance. I can't be honest with her and pursuing her in any capacity is out of the question. I'll likely only end up hurting her again. [ Or worse. That'll hurt him. Oswald's right. A pause ] Should any contradiction between her timeline and ours arises, we'll adjust our stories accordingly to match.
voice;
[ But he didn't. Ed feeling any shred of emotional duress was the opposite of what he wanted, but so was him feeling any shred of longing for Kristen. That wasn't in the plan. She wasn't in the plan. He told himself that he had trailed off his words to let Ed think, but he'd done it for himself as well. Just as he'd been about to speak up again, Ed did instead. ]
... you're not going to pursue her? [ Oswald sounded quiet, unsure. The rest of it had registered but that was the first thing that tumbled out of his mouth. ]
voice;
[ It comes out a little too fast and Ed almost feels like he shouldn't have. He pauses, voice quiet. Sobering. Almost regretful. ]
What if I hurt her? I can't. She didn't- Doesn't. She doesn't agree with what I did. And I don't regret it. I have to accept that. It ended horribly. It would undoubtedly repeat itself. I don't think I could keep lying so I couldn't continue to be with someone that would view me like- [ A psychopath? Clears his throat. ] Well.
That's sorted out. Sorry for bothering you.
voice;
He let out a small, breathy laugh. It was so selfish to be happy, especially the way Ed sounded, but the fear that there was a possibility of losing him to the only person who had the power to take him away -- it was horrifying. But not anymore. He lifted his hand from the phone, seeing now the opportunity he had. He could be the one to support Ed. He was the one who could be there. ]
You shouldn't regret it. You did it because you wanted to protect someone you cared about. There is no regret to be had, friend. I'm only sorry it was for someone who didn't know how to appreciate it. [ Unlike him. He knew how to appreciate how far Ed was willing to go. ] Please believe me when I say that you're not a bother to me. I'll always listen to you. Always. What are friends for, right?
voice;
Ed almost bites his nail but catches himself and drops his hand. Oswald has good points. She didn't appreciate that. He probably didn't break it to her right. Maybe if he explained better and didn't hide it-
Now he's making excuses. ]
You're a good friend, Oswald. [ It's nice to have someone there. ] Okay. I'll be heading back shortly. This put things into perspective.
voice;
You're a good friend too. [ He should have stopped at that, but the next words came before he even had the chance to think of stopping them. They didn't come out forcefully or too fast, though. It was just... sincere. ] An amazing one, actually. Returning the favor at all is the least I can do. [ Anyway. He cleared his throat. ] See you soon then.