eatsfish | ☂

What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo?

One letter?

[ Obviously not. That was a joke. The next one wasn't, but he kept it short so Ed still got to actually deliver the punchline. ]

Weight?

One's really heavy, and the other's a little lighter.

[ The response that came actually made him giggle once or twice. Probably only Ed could make him laugh at something like that. ]

Cute, Ed. You worded that much more humorously than I could have. So you really did text me just to tell jokes?

Thank you. No, I need you to bring home batteries.

...

What kind?

AAA. I need seven.

Because...?

I built a bomb and the remote needs batteries. Obviously.

If you're going to be a smartass you can get them yourself.

My ass never stops being smart, Oswald. It's for the clock on the wall. The remote control. The bomb I've built.

I can't leave right now and you're already out.

Oh my god. Fine. I'll get them.

Right. You can't leave because of the bomb you're building. What exactly are you going to do with that?

Destroy a printing press. And it's finished. I just need the batteries. I can't leave because I'm cooking and the towels are in the dryer.

And why are we destroying a printing press?

Wow.

The puzzles are rigged. The paper has to go.

What? I know it's not an efficient use of energy running the dryer but they just come out softer this way and I refuse to have the lingering scent of a neighbor's poor barbecue tactics attaching itself to something I dry my face on.

I don't see a point in this. You know they'll make a new one.

Ed, relax. You can use the dryer. We can afford to do that. That wasn't even why I said something.

Not everyone the works there is immortal, are they? One has to know.

Why then?

By some definition we may all be immortal here and we both know that isn't the real issue. Is making a mess really the best idea?

Um, nothing. It would be weird to say now that we're talking about blowing people up.

Are you talking me out of it?

Hardly. Go on.

What would you do if I was?

I was trying to act like I didn't think your reason for saying home was cute but I do. There. I said it.

Consider the options.

Cute?

You're not picturing me in an apron or anything, are you?

Best get to that consideration then.

No. Did you want me to?

You would've did it if they insulted you.

It wouldn't be a fictional image but I'm not entirely sure I benefit from this being appealing to you. I'll get lumped into a stereotype of being the adorable housewife.

Maybe, but I have you to talk me out of impulsive choices. I'm returning the gesture. There's also that I don't know how to build a bomb.

There's not saying it can't be our secret. Besides, I wouldn't be so disrespectful as to lower you to that position. We're equals, correct?

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